now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
