i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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