he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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