she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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