he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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