I'm lost and stupid without you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
