one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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