oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize