It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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