Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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