cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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