Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
