so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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