btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
