So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
