We won't sleep together?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
