Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
