Kiss
Puke
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
