like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
