What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
