Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
