can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
