Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
