Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The Olympian is in my bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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