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Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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