i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
