All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
