the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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