A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
