Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
