Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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