Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
