wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
