imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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