i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
