God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize