Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
