He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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