Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
