Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
