I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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