She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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