saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
