Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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