I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
