Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
