Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
