genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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