Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
