i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
