you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
