So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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