i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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