I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
