You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
