You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
