Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
