we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
