She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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