I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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