You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
