Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
