i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
