he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
