i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
