Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize