When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
