i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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