you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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