smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
