just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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