Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize