Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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